Entertaining

Shatner realises that he isn't a great singer in the conventional sense - rather like Rex Harrison from 'Dr. Doolittle', he talks rhythmically rather than try to hold a tune. Nimoy can actually sing, and comes through with a bit more dignity. The music is performed without much enthusiasm by what appears to be the same bunch of session musicians, something which adds to the surreal effect. The contrast between William Shatner's ranting, impassioned delivery of 'Mr Tambourine Man', and the dispassionate, efficient backing creates a feeling akin to watching a documentary on oil refining with AC/DC music dubbed over the top. Most of the album is Nimoy, but you'll remember Shatner for longer. It's almost as interesting to wonder how these albums were supposed to be approached at the time. Whilst they give the impression of massive, unrestrained hubris - did these people really believe that this was great art? - neither Nimoy nor Shatner are stupid, and it's quite possible that they were intended, either as spoofs, or as a bizarre commentary on contemporary concept albums. You'd have to ask them to find out, and they probably wouldn't tell you. In the end it makes you question your notion of 'good' and 'bad'. Is it right to judge things on these criteria, or should we consider things 'entertaining' and 'unentertaining'? Neither Nimoy nor Shatner were particularly 'good', in the same way that Wagner is 'good', but they are both highly entertaining in a way that Wagner isn't.

Where No Manure Has Gone Before

I used to think the funniest unintentionally funny thing I'd ever heard was Lorne Green, Dan Blocker and Michael Landon butchering the theme from "Bonanza." Then I got this album. The tone-deaf stars of "Bonanza" have nothing on "Star Trek's" William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy, whose insatiable TV-star egos pushed them to record music and monologues that transcend mere mediocrity and ineptitude, constituting an alien art form that defies earthly description. Whatever it is, it's the best of it, or the worst, depending upon your point of view. You'll love it passionately, like I do, or you'll despise it with every fiber of your being, like my wife does. There's no middle ground here.

Shatner's contributions, dramatic monologues set to florid music and rock songs performed with straightjacket intensity, are all taken from his legendary album "The Transformed Man." No one is safe from the shame of Canada: The hallowed words of Shakespeare, Lennon-McCartney and Bob Dylan are trampled and tortured in Shatner's patented overripe acting style, turned up to eleven. Shatner's anguished cry of "Mr. Tambourine Man!!!!" at the end of that song is so unexpected and frightening, it would kill a strolling minstrel dead in his tracks. I must confess, I'm a sucker for Shatner's histrionics, and I admire the chutzpa it took to be a performance artist of such...uniqueness. "It Was a Very Good Year," with Shatner exercising restraint (for him), actually achieves a certain elegance. It's my favorite burst of Shatnerian flatulence.

Nimoy was much more ambitious than Shatner, churning out a mind-boggling five albums of folk, country-western and soft rock covers. Saccharine ballads such as "Sunny" and "Put a Little Love in Your Heart" painfully expose the limitations of Nimoy's earnest baritone as he croons in keys that would make a stuffed dog howl. (Remember how Spock sounded in the throes of a Vulcan mind-meld with the Horta? Put that to music and you get the idea.) To be fair, some of his efforts are admirable. Nimoy's yearning vocal on "Where Is Love" is heart-rending, and he does a pretty fair imitation of Kenny Rogers on "Ruby Don't Take Your Love to Town."

There's also a smattering of screamingly hokey spoken word pieces written by one Charles R. Grean, which Nimoy delivers in character as Spock amid clouds of celestial music reminiscent of the work of "Star Trek" composer Alexander Courage. The best of these is "Spock Thoughts," a litany of hilarious platitudes that includes this priceless advice: "Speak your truth quietly and clearly and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant. They, too, have their story to tell!"

The album's Masterpiece is surely "Ballad of Bilbo Baggins," Grean's musicalized Cliff Notes retelling of Tolkien's "The Hobbit." Demented, charming and impossible to dislike, it's a groovy tune straight out of Monty Python, and Nimoy sings it with gusto.

While most of Nimoy's efforts are laugh-fests, it's hard to fault his commitment: He was clearly serious about his music. Luckily for his ardent fans, no one in Nimoy's orbit had the guts to tell Spock he had no clothes.

Star Wars Rules

Now, while I appreciate the fact that two trekkers have made utter fools of themselves on this record, I have to wonder why Han Solo and Chewbacca never got their own album!?!?! Han is clearly tougher than Spock, and Chewbacca could kick Kirk's butt across the klingon territories. I just don't understand this logic. Here would be my ultimate album:

1. I Raped Kirk - Darth Vader and the Vaderettes
2. Shove Those Pointed Ears (Up Your Bum) - The Cantina Band
3. Scotty's Got Alzheimers - Princess Leah (feat. Snoop Dogg)
4. Chekov Is A Wigger - The R2D2 Posse
5. Grand Moff Tarkin Should've Been Named Grand MUFF Tarkin (Because He's A Pussy) - The Lightsabres

so please do us all a favor, and all Star Trek fans please kill yourself now. do it. Live Short And Prosper.